She reminded me of how much I love him.

=(

Something alarmingly foreign happenned to my body mechanism freaked me out so terribly on Tuesday morning. Felt really helpless and scared, which was not only allayed after talking to my mom, but worsened. Thought she could give me some words of advice but i got naggings instead on how I haven't been taking care of my health properly - sleeping late, not drinking enough water etc. I was so worried I took half-day leave from work, making sure that I finished and accounted for my entire workload, and rushed to see my family doctor.

Doctor diagnosed I had an infection and I'm now on a week's course of antibiotics. I hate taking medicine cause I've always had difficulty swallowing pills since young. But I have to complete this course, don't want the infection to come back again, though doctor says it would definitely, at some point of time later in my life. Gosh. I really don't want to go through that painful ordeal again. I've probably not been giving my body enough pampering and rest, so from now on, i'm gonna cut down my intake on fried food, drink lots and lots of fluid, exercise and sleep earlier. Basicially, just loving myself more.

Was feeling better yesterday and went to Janet's for my bi-weekly Shiseido hair treatment. Only $40 for my hair length, i think its super worth it, considering the instant effect it does for my frizzy hair. Have tried various treatments at other high-end salons which charges ridiculous high prices and their effect can only stay for a day or two?

Its such a bad night.
Negative thoughts and past scenes just can't stop flashing through my pounding head.
I wish I was smarter. Braver. Less naive. Less trusting. More selfless. Loved myself more.

That's all. Not gonna say "Good night". It hasn't been a good one. Bed.

Rach's Fairytale

19th December 2009, 2000 hours.

A cool breezy Saturday night, in a cosy cafe camouflaged among red-bricked buildings. Waiters dressed in red vests and black pants welcomed guests docked in light colors at the entrance. SLRs and digicams snapped away while a mixture of leisure chatter and laughter filled the air. Jugs of fruit punch poured into glasses and refilled. A sumptous spread of chinese asian cuisine satiated the hungry guests who had gathered to celebrate Rach's coming of age. Her 21st.

Happy Birthday my dear girl!



Let pictures do the talk from here.


The O.S. !





Group pictures:





Before the cake-cutting ceremony


What goes on in the washrooms while the gentlemen waits...





And individual shots with my girls

Already Gone

Credits to Matt.


Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know
you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive

Lyrics | Kelly Clarkson lyrics - Already Gone lyrics

Replaying

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad


So much disappointment and revelations - that was just the last straw - it feels like I'm finally waking up from a 14-day nightmare.

"When you've been to the bottom, nothing else hurts any further."

Thank you (you al' know who you are!) for being here with me through these doldrums. With your lovely accompaniment, listening ears and encouragements, I'm picking myself up. Will be getting out of Singapore this Christmas, desperately need a breather and break from this concrete jungle city and most of all, the complicated human minds!

Now I just need to find my passport...

Forgotten What It's like to Smile

I was striken by a sudden fear of losing my parents one day. I've always expected them to be here, supporting the family and household. Expecting them to be home in the evenings, in their bedroom watching teevee. But what if one day, something happens which breaks this blissful monotony? Age is catching up on them and illness will be inevitable. Just a matter of time. I hope I'll be ready by then, to rise up to the situation and be able to take charge. But can I?

Have not felt truly happy for sometime. I have been so immersed in playing sherlock holmes that I forgot what its like to think simply.

Emo stuff aside, I came across another one of Michelle Phan (aka ricebunny)'s tutorial - Easy Autumn and was so inspired I attempted to re-create the look on myself.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69w6io4j_gM

And this is my own version. Colors have been adjusted here. I love this picture cause its so melancholic. But some been telling me that I look frail and sunken here. =(